hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
