I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
