R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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