Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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