Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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