if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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