covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
