I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
only you would photoshop your dick
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Do you have feelings for this penis?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
