My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize