I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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