Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
