I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
