People in love make me want to vomit
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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