The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
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