I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
