Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
