Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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