ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
