i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
