dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
