he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
