YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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