so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
