She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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