so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
