When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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