where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize