Michael Bay diarrhea
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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