I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
