Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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