We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
