I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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