Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
