I just pynch a tree in the face
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
