The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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