Betty ford says i'm here all night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
