i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
