i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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