sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
