New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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