I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Sorry my hands just texted you
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