The best revenge is premature balding
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
