Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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