Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
