sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
