sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
