My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just had sex on a roof
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
