Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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