My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
