dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
