Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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