It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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