I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
