Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
