Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
