I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
