Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
