his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
