you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
