She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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