he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
