her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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