do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
