You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
