ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
im holly from the hills drunk
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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