The maid of honor just puked.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
