1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Randomize
