Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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