You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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