That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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