Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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