he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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